from Depression to Peace

Born in the Cleveland, Ohio area to a math teacher and an “almost” former Catholic nun (my mom spent 3 years in the convent), as you can imagine, we had a straightforward upbringing. We were taught The Golden Rule & “If it hurts, then stop doing it.” – Simple yet true maxims. We cheered (and prayed) that the Browns, Indians, or Cavs would win a championship…that would have to wait. A’s were expected and B’s were tolerated, so I graduated 3rd in my high school class while playing 3 sports all 4 years (had to quit golf after 1 year…hit it far, but no idea where it was going). 

I graduated college with a degree in Electrical Engineering (EE) while playing 4 years of basketball, which surely kept me busy & out of trouble. Decided against grad school after learning that at Honda R&D I could be involved in some research as well as development even though I only had a bachelor’s degree (refer to Soichiro Honda’s background). 

I developed several new technology parts & systems while learning and mastering FTAs, DFMEAs, & PFMEAs. I was also fortunate enough to lead a small group of intelligent engineers as well as become a project leader early in my career on various vehicles that eventually sold in N.A. and around the world. So, I had the opportunity to serve in technical roles, a managerial role, and project leadership roles – sometimes simultaneously throughout my career. I loved working at Honda. I was excited to wake-up and couldn’t wait to get into work. I was dedicated, focused and loyal. 

Around this time, I met the love of my life. We married and have 3 beautiful children. I continued to focus on work and was fortunate to be the first EE in Honda history to lead an all-new vehicle development as well as becoming the youngest Chief Engineer and VP (so I was told). 

Then, it all came crashing down. I don’t know what happened but speculating that due to focusing exclusively on work combined with external and internal pressures, I could not get myself out of bed for months. It was depression, but I did not seek help for many months until after I willed – angrily – my way out of it. At that point, I searched for another job to make me and my family happy – most recently ending-up in Oregon. Upon realizing that I could not stay there either (and my family was staying-put in Ohio), I came back to central Ohio. 

By that time, I lost my wife, my family, my house, my friends and my money – now deep in credit card debt. 

For years, nothing truly helped me with my depression. I had seen therapists, psychiatrists, taken medication, and tried Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. These had some impact, but a breakthrough never occurred. Then in late summer 2019, I met someone (friend/coach/support person) who reconnected me to my faith and I began to deeply meditate every morning. Finally, after some time, I broke through! I cannot even begin to explain how, one day, I suddenly woke-up a happy person with promise of my future even though I was in the middle of a divorce, without friends, living in a small room with my things packed & stacked in luggage and trash bags around my air mattress, and with no job/income for over half a year (& having multiple credit card debts for the first time in my life). 

Depression cost me a great deal. But I beat it. And I do not want anyone else to go through what I did. Thus, my purpose – and the purpose of this website.

If you believe you or someone you care about is suffering a mental health crisis or other medical emergency, contact your doctor immediately or call 988, the new National Suicide Hotline.